In Which I Surrender…

My 2022 Word of the Year is RECEIVE, but over the course of this year my inner work has morphed into a theme of SURRENDER

I’m moving from the head to the heart, in terms of which part of me gets to lead the way. I’ve been tapping more deeply into my intuition and the wisdom of my inner self. 

Losing Percy Lovecat in July really hit me hard, and I found it challenging to do some of the things I’d taken for granted in the past. I slowed way down, and only did the essential things in my business. I said no to a lot of events and gatherings.

Then my Dad died in late September, and any momentum I’d built up over the summer dissipated immediately. Grief can be all-encompassing. 

Having Covid in early November certainly didn’t help.

Like I told Quester, I usually live my life “like a straight-A student,” making sure I check all the boxes and get things done. But the impact of grief this year has made this impossible. I’m probably at a C- at this point, or even a D. (This is judging by my inner critic’s high standards, mind you).

The weird thing is that there have been no consequences. Life goes on. So does my business. No one in my life seems to mind that I’ve turned inward. 

Meal planning? Nope. Making videos? Not much. Planning outings or gatherings with friends? Haven’t felt like it. My planning skill, an innate part of my Virgo Sun, seems to have deserted me. But I haven’t gotten any flack for it.

When I realized that, I was like, “Well, then, what’s the point? Why do I bother to do all this stuff if no one besides me even cares?!” I had an existential moment, and then realized: it’s an ego death.

The ego brain tries to control things by hustling, forcing, or willing things to be a certain way. It’s doing this in order to protect us. That’s its job.

When we drop the reins, whether by choice or circumstances, we surrender to Divine flow. We give our inner self, and our spirit guides, more space to help us. 

This is, in and of itself, a form of receiving.

But the ego won’t like it. Chances are there will be backlash from that part of us.

Mine is having a bit of a meltdown about it. 

But learning to lead with your heart, or your intuition, is worth all the ego angst. Your ego self won’t really die, as it fears. It’s a useful part of the human psyche. It just needs to learn a supporting role, rather than directing the show. 

What are some of the tools I’m using to support my transformation to a new way of being?

Awareness. When I feel an intense emotion or get triggered by something, I stop and feel into it. Rather than letting my brain assign a reason – “I’m stressed about lack of money” or “What if that person is judging me?” – I go deeper. Often the feeling is grief or fear. The mind wants to blame our feelings on something external, to ease the pain. If we just let them be feelings, and experience them, they seem to dissipate more quickly.

Yoga. After a few months away, I’ve recently gotten back to my near-daily yoga practice. My body is super thankful. I feel stronger already, and have a bit more energy for daily tasks.

EFT (aka tapping). I admit that I was resistant to this for a long time. I would do it if led by a practitioner in a workshop, but never did it on my own. Thanks to an assignment from a coach, I’m now doing EFT on my own and it makes a world of difference. Like yoga, it allows one’s body to process emotions in depth.

Listening within. I’m taking more time to listen and see what advice my inner guides have for me. Often this takes the form of a Tarot or oracle card draw, or using my pendulum when I want a specific yes-no answer. But sometimes it’s just free-form listening, which usually leads to…

Journaling and/or channeled writing. It’s no surprise to me that writing is an easy way for my inner wisdom to emerge. You might have a different method. The idea is to find a way to bypass the Talking Self and let your inner expression flow. 

Getting extra support. Earlier this year, I signed on for a couple of new magickal coaching containers. One is a barter with a longtime client and friend. The other was an offering from an acquaintance that intrigued my soul. At the time, I didn’t know why I might need this extra support. I’m so glad I listened to my intuition, because it’s amazingly helpful at this point.

I won’t lie to you and say that this is an easy process. It’s not, at least for me, at this time. But I’m already seeing some of the benefits of surrendering to this transformation. 

By focusing on my inner work as a priority, life feels more meaningful, even here in the morass of grief. By not stressing out about the little stuff, solutions seem to present themselves more easily, and I’m not adding more pain. Being supported on this part of my journey helps me to feel seen, cared for, and nurtured. 

I’ll update you as the story evolves…

Tell me what you think!

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