Do you have anyone in your life who judges you and causes you to feel like you’re never enough? Maybe it’s even a family member, someone you love and care about deeply. I had this experience recently.
I feel I’ve been working hard and being of service to various people in my family and community. Yet one comment, offered in a moment of anger, brought out a lot of sorrow and guilt. Yes, the emotions are my own, and I don’t blame the messenger. Yet it was a catalyst of a waterfall of feelings that I’m not doing enough to help, that I’m failing the people I love – even though I don’t think that’s really true.
My thoughts expanded beyond the context of the comment, into other areas where I see a great need. Perhaps I’m just wishing I could do more, be more, for others, especially in situations where my help might not even be needed or wanted. I can’t walk someone else’s path for them, or tell them what they need – nor should I try. I can only make it known that my support is available, which I think I’ve done.
I was offered a lovely compliment lately, by a woman who said that one of the gifts I bring to community is inspiring others to smile and feel good, just by being present. Why doesn’t that hold as much weight in my heart as the criticism? Ah, these old patterns. They are sneaky and tenacious. I pause to cry and release, then rest, then I step gently back into the world.
I will continue to do what I can, to serve where I’m able, to balance my own needs with those of my loved ones and the greater community. Doing your best from a place of love and compassion is, truly, enough.