Decisions, Decisions

oliverWhy can it be so hard to make decisions? Not just those life-changing This Is A Big Deal decisions. I find it can be a challenge sometimes to make the daily decisions that form the shape of our lives.

I’ve always been one to feel the lure of many different paths. I’ve evidently collected quite a few souls around me who feel the same way. What should we have for dinner? What do you want to do tonight? Which project should I work on next? These are some of the simple questions that give me – and my family – pause.

The astrology involved might add some insight. I’m a Virgo with Libra Moon (and several other planets in Libra), married to a Libra. Decisions? We must weigh all the pros and cons. We don’t want to commit to one thing, because it might negate another. Let’s make a list! Oh boy. Our first child, a son, was another Virgo. When we had our daughter, and found she was to be a Capricorn, we thought, that’s great! She can be in charge of what to do!

It didn’t work out that way. It turns out that Capricorns – or at least this particular feisty red-headed one – don’t waste their decisive superpowers on the little stuff. She’s right there in the thick of “I dunno…” with the rest of us. I added a Leo partner to the mix, but he’s an easy-going type and would mostly rather go with the flow.

What the heck, people? Why does the Mom automatically get to be the leader of the family, the organizer, the one who knows What’s Up? Does anyone else have this issue?

It almost makes me miss my bossy friends, the ones I stopped hanging out with because I grew in a different direction. There was a time in my life when I went along with their ideas. Because, why not? Let’s write a vegan cookbook! (this when I was very timid in the kitchen, a devoted recipe-follower). Let’s go on a silent meditation retreat with people we’ve never met! Let’s start a new scouting group for our kids! I learned a lot from all the things I did that I probably wouldn’t have tried, left to my own devices. It was nice to be a follower. Until it wasn’t.

When I was younger, I preferred the known. The world was intense and overwhelming, and keeping my own ducks in a row helped me to feel safer. But now, in my 40s, having freed my creativity and released it into the world (yeah, watch out!), I’m learning to be okay with leaving things more to chance. To flow. To – dare I say it? – spontaneity. I don’t need to make these pesky decisions way in advance, or if I am faced with a choice, I can randomly pick one that sounds good and go with it as far as I choose.

These days, when decisions are tough, I listen deep within. I trust my heart. I jump in, feet first.

At the prompting of the amazing Play Nexus faeries, in one of their workshops, I created “My Heart’s Bucket List.” It was cool to be really surprised by some of the items that showed up there. The last thing on the list?

“Feel free every day.”

I’m getting there.

Tell me what you think!