I’ve been experiencing negative self-talk lately (inside my head), and some of it is about my current weight. I’m about fifteen pounds overweight and have been for several months now. Just a couple of years ago, I was at what I consider my ideal weight for the first time in my adult life. I was certain that I’d continue to maintain that weight indefinitely. So what happened? And how can I get back there?
On a logical level, to get back to where I want to be I simply need to consume fewer calories than I burn. But like most women (and many men) in this culture, I have a complex emotional web surrounding my physical body, weight, and self-image. A wise healer, who also happens to be a skilled chiropractor, told me that holding on to extra weight is connected to an emotional need to feel protected from something.
In my case, my fears have surrounded money and financial security. Last year I left my longtime career (by choice) and began to rely primarily on others in my family for financial support. I never realized that it actually felt good being the breadwinner, having spending money in my pocket, and knowing that I was providing for my family’s needs and wants on a regular basis. Also, since we are now a family of self-employed workers, we no longer have the security of knowing exactly when the next direct deposit is coming and how much it will be. I’m an Earth sign, and I like to be prepared, especially when it comes to the basics: food, clothing, and shelter. Maybe I’m having a hard time trusting that my needs will be met. But they have been, for the most part, despite my worries.
I think now I’m ready for a change, ready to let go and release the pounds I’ve added through worry and fear. I’ve recently been purposefully letting go of worrying, and that’s working well. I’ve stopped eating sugary sweets as a way of dealing with stress. But I guess I also need to deal with those old worries that manifested as the additional weight. While I’m not adding new ones any more, I still need to consciously release the old ones.
I’ve done this before and can get there again. I know I want to be more consistent about my yoga practice, and get outside more often to go for walks. I already eat a healthy vegan diet; I just need to watch the frequency of snacks and my portion sizes. This will totally work, as long as I’m aware of supporting my emotional needs without relying on overeating or fretting about things I can’t control. It’s time for another transformation!